Online Dating: Part One

Once upon a time, I was a single, lonely, twenty something, and by that I mean I still am a single lonely twenty something. So I decided I should meet some babes, and instead of talking to girls at school or something a normal person would do, I decided to make an online dating profile. 

Being on the site for a few months, I had gone on some sketchy ass dates, and this is one of those dates. She had blue hair, and a tattoo on her forearm that resembled a two year old's signature. For some reason, I am pretty sure she liked flowers, too.

The plan was we were going to meet up at Denny's, because as I was chattin' her up, I came to find she liked waffles. Also, I was poor as fuck, so grand slams for everyone! 

   We started asking each other getting to know you questions, So when she asked what I did I tried to make “Electronics department store team member” sound like I was the shit. I did what any self respecting twenty year old boy would do, and lied about how awesome I was. 

Things got interesting when I asked what she did for a Job. She just kind of smiled and said that she didn't really want to talk about it.

Naturally, I thought that meant she was a drug dealer.

After our food, I ended up going back to her apartment, cause I guess drug dealers from the internet isn't a red flag for me. We get there and cats. Tons of cats. Like seriously, I can't stress how many cats. For every human in the room, there were at least two cats.

And then I am greeted by her crazy scary room mate.

She showed me into her room, which was quite small. There was a computer hooked up to the TV, and a web cam right next to it. All pretty normal, only for some reason there was a toolbox just chilling on the floor. She put on cartoons, and we just sat on her bed.  

 

It had only been a few minutes when out of no where she gets up, and grabs the toolbox. She sits back down, and asks if I wanted to know what she does for her money. 

At this point I was pretty sure the box was full of drugs and drug accessories. But noooope. 

I felt like I was Link and this chest was supposed to be a map or some shit, but instead, Ganondorf thought it would be hilarious to give me Dildos galore. HOW WILL I KNOW WHERE I AM WITH DILDOS GALORE?! DAMMIT GANONDORF.

My mind felt like a bucket of gravy. She said she was an amateur porn star, which made me think about her and her room mate doing things, which made me want to leave. I ended up telling her I had to work in the morning, and that I had to go, which was followed by begs for me to stay the night. In a bed next to a toolbox full of dildos. With a web cam pointed at said bed.

Over it